Ban the Bible. It's immoral

If the Bible were published today, there would be moral outcry. There would be calls from the moral majority to ban a book with

(i) such graphic portrayal of violence - nailing people to crosses, cutting out your neighbours eyes etc.
(ii) Adam and Eve prance around naked, and there's an implication that every person in the world is a direct result of their children's incest (they only had two sons...)
(iii) The readers of this book have been inspired to commit suicide (by getting into a ring with a few man-eating lions), and go over to Islamic countries and try to butcher them all into reading the book too.
(iv) An unnaturally close relationship between twelve men and their mentor...
(v) Numerous examples of Witchcraft, including spontaneously combusting bushes, walking on water, feeding thousands of people with a few scraps etc.
(vi) An unequivicable endorsement of alcohol...
(vii) ...or vampirism, if it IS actually his blood.
(viii) It's main protagonist openly flaunts the laws of the land, and shows no remorse for his crimes.

Many more examples are more than welcome... we need to protect our children, and keep this pornographic filth from their sight.