Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Armageddon Approaches Part 3

Further to my previous posts about the armageddon (here and, lesserly, here), it appears that now, the animal Kingdom is turning on itself.

The BBC today reports on how a snake swallowed an entire alligator - whole - in the Florida Everglades. Only to succumb to the annoying side-effect of exploding.

Add to this the report of the pelican in St. James' Park, London, who ate a live pigeon whole.

I'm sure some Jesus freak will be able to point me to a passage in the book of Revelations about the 'beasts eating themselves, and Christmas will be the lapdog of the corporations' (or something to that effect) that signifies the end of the world as we know it.

Or R.E.M. could make a sequel to their hit record of the same name.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Critiquing the Critics

Last night I watched the original version of 'The Manchurian Candidate,' and was fascinated by the story of brainwashed POWs trying to piece together what they are not supposed to remember. Frank Sinatra was brilliant as one of the two leads (which I was surprised about, I assumed he was just cast because of his fame; similar to Britney Spears being cast in 'Crossroads'). The other lead actor, I thought, was as wooden as a lead tree, but I was willing to overlook that because of how intriguing, and crucially, entertaining the story was.
However, this optimism, to what I thought was shaping up to be one of the best films I had ever seen, was ripped away from with the vitriol of Liam Gallagher on a speedball with a stupid 'inside man' twist.

I hate 'inside man' twists, which is why I haven't watched 24 since it was declared that Nina was the inside man in the first series.
The 'inside man' twist in The Da Vinci Code (the book, not the film, I am avoiding that on principle that I will not pay to see films I expect to be shit), cemented the books increasing crappiness in one (page-or-so-long) chapter.
The first Saw film was built on an interesting premise of the killer who never really kills his victims. The low-budget gorefest was entertaining as well, and did have an intelligent twist in the plot, which was fascinating - until they ruined it with the 'inside man' angle.

Having ranted at length, I shall go back to my original point. Roger Ebert, one of the most distinguished critics in America, considers 'The Manchurian Candidate' to be one of the finest films in America, despite the fact, that he cheerfully acknowledges that the plot is pure hokum;
"Do not look for logic here."

Ebert, in my opinion is of that category of film reviewers who think that because a film is old, it means its automatically better than anything released today of the same caliber.

Consider Phillip French, the writer for the Observer. He can barely write a review without name-checking half a doaen films from throughout the history of cinema, to conclude that they were all better than that which he is currently writing about. This is the entire copy of his review of Sixty Six;

"Very briefly, Sixty Six is a likable Jewish comedy about a London lad whose bar mitzvah coincides with the 1966 World Cup final. As his father, Eddie Marsan is too convincingly sad and pathetic to raise laughs, and the film is not quite in the class of Jack Rosenthal's classic TV movie, Bar Mitzvah Boy."

Anyone who can point me in the direction of a critic who doesn't employ such hypocrisies would be most thanked. I've heard that Mark Kermode maintains a certain continuity in his critical style (for example, giving Basic Instinct 2 a good review, because it stuck to it's genre's formula).

Sunday, November 19, 2006

More dodgy toys

Thanks to raincoaster for this one.

Further to my post about the supersoaker ad - complete with highly dubious visuals regarding thick, white liquids being squirted over young boys faces, this new toy has been launched in America in time for the Exmo market.

Requires 2 AAA batteries.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Yndi sell out

Yndi Halda's news just keeps on flying. It turns out that the launch party release scheduled for tomorrow night (Friday 17th November 2006), at the Water Rats club in Kings Cross, London, is sold out.
All this, despite the fact that they have hardly been in contact with each other since the summer, let alone been practising ("about four months" according to drummer, Ollie Newton, in a telephone interview).
If you still don't know of the beautiful music that these guys produce, I suggest you purchase the E.P. when it is released. You are probably most likely to get it on the internet at this stage.

George Best fivers? Sinn Fein selling out? I missing all the action back home.

First, it became apparent that Sinn Fein have gone the way if the Communist party in Soviet Russia, New Labour in Soviet Britain, or Metallica (at least in the eyes of the meanest of fascist 'Ra dickheads), leaving behind what they once stood for, and selling out to the masses (the issue being whether, or not, to accept nationalised policing - how can you sell your heroin when there's a police force breathing down your neck). Now the Shinners are the subject or security concerns from within their own ranks.
Then there's the news of George Best getting a comemorative fiver issued to him, and that they are being sold on ebay for more than a fiver...(I would have thought of that).
And finally, RoI actually won a match. Although, it was only against San Marino, and they only scored five goals (which may seem a harsh criticism, but San Marino had an average Goals Against tally of 10 goals per game before the match).
Seems I missed all the action back home. The only thing happening in London is some oul doll whining on about her plans for the next year.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Corn Flakes - The perfect foodstuff.

Upon tucking into a refreshing, yet substantial and fulfilling bowl of Corn Flakes the other day, I came to the realisation that Corn Flakes are the perfect foodstuff for humanity.
They are easy to prepare - can you handle the pouring of milk, and Corn Flakes?
They are easy to clean up after, all you have is a bowl and a spoon.
The ingredients (unlike any other healthy (by healthy, i mean lack of unhealthiness)) are cheap to obtain. Milk and Corn Flakes, so it's perfect for students
Guilty liberal types can rest easy with the fact they are not pollutting the planet/killing innocent animals etc eating corn flakes.
And one gets most of the sustanance one needs from corn flakes.
So Corn Flakes should become the national dish. Jamie Oliver would prefer that than the old "turkey twizzlers"
"But what about the farmers," your socialists may say. Tell them to switch their trade to Corn and/or milk production and they'd make a mint. It might help us to stop subsidising the lazy (or stubborn) bastards if they'd change their business practices.
"But the population of other farm animals would explode to epic proportions." Nuh-uh. For a start, they wouldn't be bred for the sole purpose of being eaten, and survival of the fittest would start to kick in - the smart pigs would start to realise there is not enough food to feed all these fat bastards, and turn to canibalism.