Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Armageddon Approaches!!!

I commented in an early post about Armaggedon manifesting itself through a Freeview box, which managed to control the RAF from Scotland.
Well, it has recently come to my attention that the 6th day of the 6th Month, of the 6th year (well, seventh, strictly) of the millenium, is fast approaching. (ie 06-06-06). What better time for God, the unappreciated, to finally unleash his vengeance over this haven of antipathy, that we call Earth?
It could also be a nice time for Big Jeso to make his long-awaited comeback. What's he been playing at up there?
So repent quickly, the Day of Judgement is near. Make sure you have the right religion; you don't want to go Catholic all you life and realise that the Lutherans were right... Fuck... eternity of hell ahead of ya.

Jesus Christ: will probably be in attendance

Monday, March 27, 2006

Possibly the funniest news story ever.

BBC NEWS | England | Berkshire | Drink-driver, 14, in court fracas

I can't explain it. Just read it! It will be all over the Scum tomorrow no doubt.

The opening paragraph;
"A 14-year-old drink-driver punched a prosecutor and threw a jug of water at magistrates as she was jailed."

2 guitars....

Rodney Mullen

Now I am not into skateboarding in any way shape or form, but credit where credit is due - this stuff is VERY impressive. This is Rodney Mullen, who would be one of the more famous skateboarders in the world, and would probably be ranked above Tony Hawk by skateboard fans (Tony Hawk sells out, thats why the rest of the worlld hears about him).
Anyway check it out. The music is shit, so you'll have to turn it down.

...more to English

While discussing my recent post on the healthy progession of the English language, I was reminded (by Neeve McShoe...kudos!) how cruel the language is to people who have speech impediments.

Lisp... for people who can't pronounce 'S', that's a bit much.
Stutter... could you fit any more 'T's in that word?? Why not add a few hyphens...

and to add spice, Jonathan Ross' parents must have been a laugh ("I'm Jonaphan Woth").

Still... shows you what a progressive Language it is, can laugh at itself so gracefully.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

NIke football Ad, 2004

...Look a likey-shock

Anyone else think there is a scary similarity between Dawn French and Cherie Blair? ... quite a disturbing thought really.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Possibly the greatest ad of all time.

This is the Nike Soccer Ad used during the promotion of the 2002 World Cup. Brilliant idea, brilliantly executed. Nike has established a bit of a reputation for themselves of producing great football ads...some of which will be posted here soon.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Here's to English....

And ther is so gret diversite
In Englissh and in writyng of oure tonge,
So prey I God that non myswrite the,
Ne the mysmetre for defaute of tonge;
And red wherso thow be, or elles songe,
That thow be understonde, God I biseche!

Troilus and Criseyde, verses 1786-98

Geoffrey Chaucer (c. 1380)
For shame! deny that thou bear'st love to any, Who for thyself art so unprovident. Grant, if thou wilt, thou art beloved of many, But that thou none lovest is most evident; For thou art so possess'd with murderous hate 5 That 'gainst thyself thou stick'st not to conspire. Seeking that beauteous roof to ruinate Which to repair should be thy chief desire. O, change thy thought, that I may change my mind! Shall hate be fairer lodged than gentle love? 10 Be, as thy presence is, gracious and kind, Or to thyself at least kind-hearted prove:

Sonnet 10

William Shakespeare (c. 1609)
The voices blend and fuse in clouded silence: silence that is the infinite of space: and swiftly, silently the soul is wafted over regions of cycles of generations that have lived. A region where grey twilight ever descends, never falls on wide sagegreen pasturefields, shedding her dusk, scattering a perennial dew of stars. She follows her mother with ungainly steps, a mare leading her fillyfoal. Twilight phantoms are they, yet moulded in prophetic grace of structure, slim shapely haunches, a supple tendonous neck, the meek apprehensive skull. They fade, sad phantoms: all is gone. Agendath is a waste land, a home of screechowls and the sandblind upupa. Netaim, the golden, is no more. And on the highway of the clouds they come, muttering thunder of rebellion, the ghosts of beasts. Huuh! Hark! Huuh!


James Joyce (1922)
Ah suppose man, ah'm too much ay a perfectionist, ken? It's likesay, if things go a bit dodgy, ah jist cannae be bothered, y'know


Irvine Welsh (1993)
som ppl (usu fogey technophobes) hav complained dat d recnt surge of txt msgN, & emails hav begun ruining d eng lngwij. I hav demonstrated abof d eng launguage hz alredi devLpD fR beyond wot wz considRD gud eng, evN n pieces of literature.
I cn c, withn d NXT 10 yr.z, Oxford, o Collins, o 1 of d othR reputable publishers, releasing d 1st DXNRE, & thus devLpN d lngwij stil furthr.
it shud b noted, dat British & Irish literists had Bgan eschewing d traditions of eng Grammar since d turn of d 20th centRe (James Joyce, especially), & G. B. Shaw L monE n Hs wiL 2 advance d idea of a 42 letR ABC.
So, hEr we R thN in2 a nu millenium, & a nu breed of eng hz devLpD organically, hu iz any1 2 fite it?

"Here's to English...." blog post, as translated by

James I McAnespy, 13 March 2006

Some people (usually fogey technophobes) have complained that the recent surge of Text messaging, and emails have begun ruining the English Language. Well, as I have demonstrated above, the English launguage has already developed far beyond what was considered good English, even in pieces of literature.
I can see, within the next ten years, Oxford, or Collins, or one of the other reputable publishers, releasing the first DXNRE, and thus developing the language still further.
It should be noted, that British and Irish literists had began eschewing the traditions of English Grammar since the turn of the 20th century (James Joyce, especially), and G. B. Shaw left money in his will to advance the idea of a 42 letter alphabet. (A case in the English courts, [1958] 1 All E.R. 245)
So, here we are then into a new millenium, and a new breed of English has developed organically, who is anyone to fight it?

Friday, March 10, 2006

Ban the Bible. It's immoral

If the Bible were published today, there would be moral outcry. There would be calls from the moral majority to ban a book with

(i) such graphic portrayal of violence - nailing people to crosses, cutting out your neighbours eyes etc.
(ii) Adam and Eve prance around naked, and there's an implication that every person in the world is a direct result of their children's incest (they only had two sons...)
(iii) The readers of this book have been inspired to commit suicide (by getting into a ring with a few man-eating lions), and go over to Islamic countries and try to butcher them all into reading the book too.
(iv) An unnaturally close relationship between twelve men and their mentor...
(v) Numerous examples of Witchcraft, including spontaneously combusting bushes, walking on water, feeding thousands of people with a few scraps etc.
(vi) An unequivicable endorsement of alcohol...
(vii) ...or vampirism, if it IS actually his blood.
(viii) It's main protagonist openly flaunts the laws of the land, and shows no remorse for his crimes.

Many more examples are more than welcome... we need to protect our children, and keep this pornographic filth from their sight.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

ill-advised domain names

Domain names... the geek word for web addresses. These are a few real ones, (go on check em out) that really should have been thought out a bit better. - a place to find your local shrink - where to find someone's agent, ie who represents them. - specialists trade information about any topic they are experts in.

if anyone knows any other ill-advised domain names, please post them, and what their intentions were when they were deciding on a name...

Sunday, March 05, 2006

The Simpsons, in real life!!!

The Simpsons come to life, click here

Ever wondered what the Simpsons would look like if they were in real life?? Well this video gives you the answer. It reenacts the opening sequence with real actors almost flawlessly (albeit with British variations).

The kid who plays Bart is pretty nifty on the skateboard, not only did he avoid getting run down by 'Marge', but he also performed the stunt by Bart (well I can't see any camera trickery, anyway) where he landed on Homer's (moving) car, and jumped to the ground.

Check it out! It's actually quite surreal how you recognise it, but yet is completely new.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Would a dictatorship be all THAT bad?: Sleepwalking into a dictatorship? I told you so!

Would a dictatorship be all THAT bad?: Sleepwalking into a Bliarite dictatorship? I told you so!

I know that I wrote the blog that this link originated from, but I think this issue is so important I'm going to start plugging it at every opportunity. Tony B. Liar is basically hi-jacking every institutional instrument in the country that prevents a dictatorship.

I was considering starting a chain-mail on the subject, considering all the absolute bollocks that I hear about in emails. (bottled kittens, and poor fictitious children spring to mind). Although, considering all the bollocks that gets forwarded, I don't actually think that anyone bothers reading emails anymore, and just mindlessly forwards them.

Apathy at work.

Just remember, all that is needed for evil people to thrive, is for good people to do nothing.