Here's to English....

And ther is so gret diversite
In Englissh and in writyng of oure tonge,
So prey I God that non myswrite the,
Ne the mysmetre for defaute of tonge;
And red wherso thow be, or elles songe,
That thow be understonde, God I biseche!

Troilus and Criseyde, verses 1786-98

Geoffrey Chaucer (c. 1380)
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For shame! deny that thou bear'st love to any, Who for thyself art so unprovident. Grant, if thou wilt, thou art beloved of many, But that thou none lovest is most evident; For thou art so possess'd with murderous hate 5 That 'gainst thyself thou stick'st not to conspire. Seeking that beauteous roof to ruinate Which to repair should be thy chief desire. O, change thy thought, that I may change my mind! Shall hate be fairer lodged than gentle love? 10 Be, as thy presence is, gracious and kind, Or to thyself at least kind-hearted prove:

Sonnet 10

William Shakespeare (c. 1609)
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The voices blend and fuse in clouded silence: silence that is the infinite of space: and swiftly, silently the soul is wafted over regions of cycles of generations that have lived. A region where grey twilight ever descends, never falls on wide sagegreen pasturefields, shedding her dusk, scattering a perennial dew of stars. She follows her mother with ungainly steps, a mare leading her fillyfoal. Twilight phantoms are they, yet moulded in prophetic grace of structure, slim shapely haunches, a supple tendonous neck, the meek apprehensive skull. They fade, sad phantoms: all is gone. Agendath is a waste land, a home of screechowls and the sandblind upupa. Netaim, the golden, is no more. And on the highway of the clouds they come, muttering thunder of rebellion, the ghosts of beasts. Huuh! Hark! Huuh!

Ulysees

James Joyce (1922)
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Ah suppose man, ah'm too much ay a perfectionist, ken? It's likesay, if things go a bit dodgy, ah jist cannae be bothered, y'know

Trainspotting

Irvine Welsh (1993)
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som ppl (usu fogey technophobes) hav complained dat d recnt surge of txt msgN, & emails hav begun ruining d eng lngwij. I hav demonstrated abof d eng launguage hz alredi devLpD fR beyond wot wz considRD gud eng, evN n pieces of literature.
I cn c, withn d NXT 10 yr.z, Oxford, o Collins, o 1 of d othR reputable publishers, releasing d 1st DXNRE, & thus devLpN d lngwij stil furthr.
it shud b noted, dat British & Irish literists had Bgan eschewing d traditions of eng Grammar since d turn of d 20th centRe (James Joyce, especially), & G. B. Shaw L monE n Hs wiL 2 advance d idea of a 42 letR ABC.
So, hEr we R thN in2 a nu millenium, & a nu breed of eng hz devLpD organically, hu iz any1 2 fite it?

"Here's to English...." blog post, as translated by transl8it.com

James I McAnespy, 13 March 2006

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Some people (usually fogey technophobes) have complained that the recent surge of Text messaging, and emails have begun ruining the English Language. Well, as I have demonstrated above, the English launguage has already developed far beyond what was considered good English, even in pieces of literature.
I can see, within the next ten years, Oxford, or Collins, or one of the other reputable publishers, releasing the first DXNRE, and thus developing the language still further.
It should be noted, that British and Irish literists had began eschewing the traditions of English Grammar since the turn of the 20th century (James Joyce, especially), and G. B. Shaw left money in his will to advance the idea of a 42 letter alphabet. (A case in the English courts, [1958] 1 All E.R. 245)
So, here we are then into a new millenium, and a new breed of English has developed organically, who is anyone to fight it?

Ban the Bible. It's immoral

If the Bible were published today, there would be moral outcry. There would be calls from the moral majority to ban a book with

(i) such graphic portrayal of violence - nailing people to crosses, cutting out your neighbours eyes etc.
(ii) Adam and Eve prance around naked, and there's an implication that every person in the world is a direct result of their children's incest (they only had two sons...)
(iii) The readers of this book have been inspired to commit suicide (by getting into a ring with a few man-eating lions), and go over to Islamic countries and try to butcher them all into reading the book too.
(iv) An unnaturally close relationship between twelve men and their mentor...
(v) Numerous examples of Witchcraft, including spontaneously combusting bushes, walking on water, feeding thousands of people with a few scraps etc.
(vi) An unequivicable endorsement of alcohol...
(vii) ...or vampirism, if it IS actually his blood.
(viii) It's main protagonist openly flaunts the laws of the land, and shows no remorse for his crimes.

Many more examples are more than welcome... we need to protect our children, and keep this pornographic filth from their sight.

ill-advised domain names

Domain names... the geek word for web addresses. These are a few real ones, (go on check em out) that really should have been thought out a bit better.

therapistfinder.com - a place to find your local shrink

whorepresents.com - where to find someone's agent, ie who represents them.

expertsexchange.com - specialists trade information about any topic they are experts in.

if anyone knows any other ill-advised domain names, please post them, and what their intentions were when they were deciding on a name...

The Simpsons, in real life!!!

The Simpsons come to life, click here

Ever wondered what the Simpsons would look like if they were in real life?? Well this video gives you the answer. It reenacts the opening sequence with real actors almost flawlessly (albeit with British variations).

The kid who plays Bart is pretty nifty on the skateboard, not only did he avoid getting run down by 'Marge', but he also performed the stunt by Bart (well I can't see any camera trickery, anyway) where he landed on Homer's (moving) car, and jumped to the ground.

Check it out! It's actually quite surreal how you recognise it, but yet is completely new.

Would a dictatorship be all THAT bad?: Sleepwalking into a dictatorship? I told you so!

Would a dictatorship be all THAT bad?: Sleepwalking into a Bliarite dictatorship? I told you so!

I know that I wrote the blog that this link originated from, but I think this issue is so important I'm going to start plugging it at every opportunity. Tony B. Liar is basically hi-jacking every institutional instrument in the country that prevents a dictatorship.

I was considering starting a chain-mail on the subject, considering all the absolute bollocks that I hear about in emails. (bottled kittens, and poor fictitious children spring to mind). Although, considering all the bollocks that gets forwarded, I don't actually think that anyone bothers reading emails anymore, and just mindlessly forwards them.

Apathy at work.

Just remember, all that is needed for evil people to thrive, is for good people to do nothing.